hmmm.. aah.. huh.. right!!!

i just wanna write.. i swear to god i don’t know about what and why… but i just do… i have been in the middle of things that i thought did not happen to me or people around me but you know what i’ve just realised that they do…

i thought we were eons away from making relationship decisions and choosing between 2 and putting up with bad shaadis and all that crap.. but NEWSFLASH we are not.. goodmornin sweetpea.. open your eyes and remove the rose colored glasses u are so fond of wearing all day long…

i have endured nightmares, cried my eyes out, felt repulsed even at the faces that some of my friends have displayed taht have made me aware of all the “qualities” that they possess… and none of the turmoil centers around me.. infact i am just a bystander in all these cases… well not really a bystander but somewhere between a shoulder to cry on and a bystander coz i can listen but cant say much… and so i have to put up with weird almost nonsensical views of other people…

and its not just on a personal front.. even at work there are these mindless idiots who just wouldnt let me be…. they all need a thrashing i tell you… i need my peace.. i need my piece.. i need my work.. i need to get worked up too.. and i need to be LEFT ALONE!!!!

i am rambling and i know it.. but i dont give rats ass.. i am at the stage where if i ahve to take a one year sabatical and go to another place i would without batting an eyelid.. i feel like just vegetating sometimes.. i wanna travel too.. dont know where but i do…

i wanna be able to swim.. to run.. to cycle… i am ashamed taht i dont know how to ride a cycle or swim.. two things taht make me go red in the face all the time.. its a painful reminder of how even though i was in a school which had everything.. i never could enjoy it due to watever reasons…. its a sign of shame for people who know me that i am not into sports.. coz that makes me not very active some believe…. i have cried because of this…. i feel like i am not good enough…i feel unhappy….i hate growing older and being a part of such a judgemental sphere of which i am now not just a part but a participant too….



3 thoughts on “hmmm.. aah.. huh.. right!!!

  1. Keep writing and writing and writing. It will help you so much. You said at the beginning that you just felt like writing. That is probably what you are meant to do to get you out of this. It helps so much. You are good enough. Your writing is good, really good. Keep doing it. It WILL get you out of the “funk” that you are in. It WILL. Good luck… KC

  2. Tanzila Anis, actually, sometimes we need to do something to express what’s in our subconscious. I tell you it’s healthy, as long as you know your limitations.

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