melancholy thy name invokes darkness…..

i dont know what to say at this point.. my mind is in a state of disarray… its like i can see stuff happening in front of me and i just cant do anything to reverse it or control it… primarily because its not happening to me and i dont think its my place to do or say anything…

but i just saw a love being crushed so brutally that it seemed like the white flowers decorating the place actually had color drained out of them to make the surroundings appear beautiful yet devoid of beauty….

the way my cousin has led her life till now should have told me about what was to come… but i still thought her love will mebe break the mould that she has put herself into… she chose to always forego the infinite possibilities that life had for her… what use is the brilliance of knowledge if you are stilled trapped in medival ramblings.. what use is the brilliance of love if it fails to light your life.. and for all this.. i hold her responsible…. she let it be this way.. i pity the man she was in love with.. she has broken him, his spirit and his trust in love….. and she too will suffer.. in a life devoid of any emotions save jealousy, hatred, broken dreams, questions and a lot of what if’s…

i am going out of my mind because i have always thought of myself to be a champion for the cause of love… there never has been a greater religion or cause for me…. and to see that people who are fortunate to be in love can throw it away like this sounds so sad that i feel like this is happening to me… i refuse to be with anyone if i am not in love.. even at teh cost of renouncing all that i hold dear.. being without love and alone sounds better than loveless companionship to me anyday….. what i wrote in an SMS probably says it all about what i felt that day:

“my heart feels heavy. its like we are gathered here to celebrate sadness. the environment reeks of love lost, defeated emotions and a general sobberness that threatens to suck any hope around. i see before me a beginning of a life of regretted memories and moments of togetherness that will never be…”

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