Ishq

Shiddat ki gehraayi tab zehen mein samayiJab ibaadat me namaaz Tere naam ki ata ki

Jild pe ehsaas ki chaadar aud ke baithe

Aur ungliyon mein harkat Teri rukh mein ki

Mohabbat ko Teri yuh ghol Kar piya zaalim

Ki sharaab bhi zeher lagna khatm ho gayi

Jab ishq me shiddat thi to nafrat mein kami kyun Hoti

Gham ki chingaari se humne apna aashiyaan jalaaya tha

Nisto nabood kiya aisa har almari aur daraaz se

Ki qayamat ke din bhi tumse waasta Na ho paaye

Aakhirat me agar takra gaya tu kisi kooche pe

To use shiddat ki qasam, apni aakhirat chodd jaayenge

Kyunki Meri ibaadat mein shiddat ki kami nahi thi

Par Teri wafa mein ibaadat hi nahi thi.

Once upon a love note. 

How can this little space be enough to say anything to you.
How can it show you that I am wearing the chains of your love and they pin me under you, that my wrists are raw and my breathing is ragged with the need my heart soul and mind encounters with every sigh that escapes me for you. 

Can you see that my hand shook while writing, and that I mulled over that comma or teased that full stop out of my desire for you. 

And because these are words, I sit in front of you, so you can look up and I can kiss you and you can feel my words coursing through you too.

I love you.

Happiness chronicles. 

The last time I was happy

The midnight sun wasn’t upon the horizon

The monsoon breeze had not taken flight

It was 9 am. 12 hours after he yelled

Made me feel like ‘it was my fault’

An anxiety attack nipped at my heels

And he called me to say he was sorry.

 

The last time I was happy

We found love in a hopeless place made sense to me

I had an empty stack of A4s and no ink of love flowed through my pen

The trip meter said memories, the cabin was silent

He kept mumbling ‘it’s not you, it’s me’

The dreamcatcher kept me up all night

And he met me to never meet me again

 

The last time I was happy

The creases in the bedsheet were heavy with neglect

The thick air spoke of unlit cigarettes and lipcolor stains

Limbs entwined, hair entangled, afterglow.

Calling is pedantic, so a text said ‘you’re too emotional’

I unclasped my bra but couldn’t free my thoughts

And looped endlessly on the what ifs

 

The last time I was happy

They have been careful to never leave a mark

Verbal barbs cut deep enough but never on the surface

The sniggering and the whispers followed me everywhere

‘oh cmon, you’re always overreacting’ played like a symphony

Packing my bags had never been this easy.

And I never unpacked my emotions again

 

The last time I was happy

I wasn’t trying to fit in a size 10 dress

I wasn’t trying to see if I was good enough

I wasn’t awake.

 

5th April. Day 5 #NaPoWriMo

I wish
I could
write about finding myself
Say it has been easy without you
Thank you for letting me free
Sing about travelling the world
Show you all my new friends
But instead
I think
About whether you think of me
If you still hate olives
Am I still responsible for your sadness
Will I travel alone ever
Would I ever sleep normally
And I
Realize that
It’s going to take time
Maybe I will never heal
Singing songs is my favorite thing to do
I should live by the beach
I did love you like love should be loved.
So. Goodbye. Take care. And.
Remember.
Me.

Weight of words. Day 3 #NaPoWriMo

I’ll always love you. Always.
I’ll never forget you. Never.
My life is incomplete without you. Incomplete.
You ignite my passion. Ignite.
You understand me. Understand.
I can be myself with you. Myself.

The words we remember.
Long after the meaning has faded.
Sometimes the most important word is not the one which is highlighted.
But the one which gives meaning to every sentence.
You.
Not you anymore.

You Don’t. I Do. Day 2: #NaPoWriMo

I am hard of hearing.
I listen, but I am hard of hearing.
I see your lips moving, but I look ahead.
I see you mouthing cliches about my safety.
And I throw the chastity belt at your feet
I try and erase your faux lines of worry
In my personal cloud of smoke
You give me a glass of water
When I see life through a shot of single malt
I shave my legs and put on my shorts
Putting a few band aids
On the nicks and cuts of a razor
The sharp tone of your tongue
is a butter knife to my skin
I’m unbreakable.
I put on my sunglasses
To avert your gaze from my brashness
I put the ink of my life on my skin
I listen to loud music and sometimes drive fast
Men and cars both
I still don’t hear you.
Because I am hard of hearing
Every don’t that you throw my way
Today, tomorrow, and every single day.

Confessional

Did you hear about the ones who love more
They sentence these people to a life of misery
No trials no justice
Just the judgment
They politely call them givers
Making sure it sounds like a sin
So they are in penance.
Forever in the altars of Gods
Asking to be loved back
Filling the bowls of communion wine with tears
Forever on their knees
Begging for mercy because their hearts never heal
And no one tells them that it’s OK to love more
It’s OK to cry
It’s OK to want someone more than anything else in the world.
It’s OK to sleep with their name as a lullaby chant
It doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you strong enough for the two of you.
So love more. Maybe you’ll live more.